Strength
by Kainos Ktisis
Summary: Excerpt: I’m stronger than that. I’m not delicate and I won’t break. I’m a fighter and that applies to all areas of my life, including the emotional. [Though I put angst as a secondary genre, it's more like unbridled honesty.]


**A/N**: Ahem...well, here I am again with yet another one-shot. This, I suppose one could say, is the result of a debate in my Chinese class about the difference between marriage and living together. Random? Very, but you all knew that about me already. What does that have to do with the story? Absolutely nothing. This could also be seen as my response to those who fics in which Tifa tries to (or does) commit suicide because Cloud doesn't love her. While--like always--there are skilled authors who write that plot line convincingly, I still don't believe that Tifa would ever resort to such extreme measures.

Oh, and just so people know (look at my track record people), I am an avid Cloti fan, but that doesn't mean I'll always give them happy endings.

Anyhoo, here's another attempt at writing about a serious topic. Reviews are much loved as are those who submit them.

**Disclaimer**: FFVII and Advent Children are property of Square Enix. Anyway who says otherwise lied.

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**Strength**

I should have been upset that he didn't love me back. I should have been depressed. I should have blown up in his face. I should have done a lot of things. But I didn't. If anything, I felt immensely relieved, almost as if a large burden had been lifted off of me.

For the first time in a long time, I felt at ease.

My—our—friends thought that I was—sorry, _is_—in denial. I'm not. They tried—and at times are _still _trying—to 'comfort' me, saying that he just has a hard time expressing his emotions. I almost wanted to laugh. Honestly, if a man isn't man enough to own up to the fact that he's in love with someone, then he doesn't deserve to be with her. If he has to hide behind lies because he's afraid, well then maybe it just wasn't meant to be.

Harsh, you may think, but be truthful to yourself: would you want a man who couldn't even admit that he has feelings for you? That's like going out with somebody who lavishes you with attention when it's just the two of you, but refuses to admit that you're a couple in the public. Who'd ever want that?

What, you think I sound heartless and selfish? Maybe, but I'll be honest with myself. I can't and I won't let anyone screw with my emotions like that. Ever. I don't care if it _is_ Cloud. I just won't.

Anyway, back to what I was saying. Maybe that sense of alleviation at knowing that he doesn't love me derived from the fact that I could finally stop worrying about what he thought about me and simply be myself. It's stupid, I know, but people always act differently when in the presence of people they like. I tried my best not to do that, but it still happens.

I realize now, that my idea of love had been far too naïve. Love isn't just an emotion; it's the embodiment of a delicate balance and meticulous combination of intimacy, devotion, and passion. Without one of any of these elements, it can't be considered love.

So, let's count them off, shall we?

Intimacy. Many people think that we are best friends, but in all honesty, I find that I don't understand him at all and I don't think he understands me. Sometimes I feel like we're two strangers living under the same roof.

Devotion. Perhaps we had that. He felt obligated to fulfill our childhood promise and I felt like it was up to me to bring him out of his depressed state. But there was nothing more about our devotion than that of the most companionable sort. For my part, it was the same devotion I felt for all my friends and companions.

Passion. I can't help but laugh aloud at this. Where do I start? Considering the fact that he is one fine specimen, I would like to believe that I have a pretty good hold on my desires for him. I am physically attracted to him; that I will not even bother to deny. But what is physical attraction if there is no emotional attachment?

No, I was not upset when he confessed his feelings—or lack of—for me. Perhaps I was a little lost at first. After all, nine years is a long time to have loved somebody. Or was it really love in the first place? I don't even know. But I do know that after the initial shock wore off, I realized that my love for him was tainted.

In all honesty, I'm glad it worked out this way. It's better to be let down early and heal quickly than to have begun to love deeply only to find that it wouldn't have worked out anyway. Maybe one of these days we'll develop into something more, but for now, I just want to focus on strengthening our friendship.

Love is not the most important thing in the world. I won't kill myself just because my feelings are not reciprocated. It's simply ludicrous to even think such a thing. Yes, I'm emotional, but not to _that_ extent. I can say without a doubt that I am not so weak nor am I so dependent on emotions that I will allow my life to shatter because of this.

No, I'm stronger than that. I'm not delicate and I won't break. I'm a fighter and that applies to all areas of my life, including the emotional arena.

I won't hate him, but more importantly, I won't hate myself.


End file.
